Am I expecting too much
Am I not good enough
Don’t know what to feel
All I can think of is not having to deal with any of this anymore, ever again
Will I be able to pull myself out
Should I be the only one pulling me out
Should I count on someone else to be there
My nerves are on end and my blood pressure is high
If I stay what do I focus on
If you took away the scars, the walls, the shell, what would you find
I feel like one voice in a million
My life has been one bad day, one bad dream, if you shot me would I wake up
Falling to pieces. Who’s going to pick them up?
No one understands
I have so much love to give someone and it’s just sitting, rotting, being thrown at me, thrown away.

Living On Cheetos

Well, I knew it was a possibility, and prepared myself mentally for it; but I am living on Cheetos. I have two dollars to my name, and no food. This experience will be one I can carry with me forever. I will know what it’s like to be without. I was at my parents house the other day, and they had just gone shopping, and had a lot of food. My sister was trying to decide what to eat, and said ‘There’s nothing to eat’. It made me chuckle to see how naive people can be. To be without something, and see people with what they need, and see people with more than what they need, really adds a different perspective to life. Although things are a little pressing at the moment I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I start my new job tomorrow, so all I have to do is make it through the next two weeks, and things will start to unfold.

A Christmas Reflection

This time of year, and this time of month is a sensitive time for me. In December 2008, I made the decision to take my own life. Things, to me, had gotten to the point that I couldn’t take anymore of the emotional toil between who I am, and who my parents wanted me, and think I am suppose to be. The police showed up at my house and I willing admitted myself to the hospital. I was taken by ambulance to the medical hospital, then was dispatched to be admitted to the mental hospital. I was in the mental hospital for a week, from December 21st, thru December 28th, I was in the hospital through Christmas. Although things seemed rough, I learned a lot. I learned a lot about life, a lot about people, and most importantly a lot about my self. I learned that although the people I had been surrounded with my whole life didn’t understand or accept me for who I am, there were others that did. I learned very quickly that there were many people in a lot worse situations than I was, although to each person, their problems are situational. I learned that I needed to set goals, and begin to create a life of my own, for myself. I learned, and adopted a saying that I use: “Without me, there is no me, because I’m the only me there is.” Since December 2008, I’ve been able to discover more of who I am. Discover why I cry each tear I’ve cried, and how to handle any problem, and accomplish any goal. I’ve learned how to love on many different levels, and have had people come in to my life to stay, and others come in to do what ever they were meant to be there for, and leave my life. I am grateful for every experience I’ve had! I’m grateful for every person I’ve met, and who’s paths I’ve crossed. I’m grateful for who I am, who I’ve become, and who I am still becoming.

From Our Hearts To Yours - Theatre Shooting: Aurora, Colorado

To the victims, and families of the attack that took place this morning in Aurora, Colorado:

From our hearts to yours

Our prayers are with you

Our hearts hurt for you

May America’s justice prevail

Let us not strive to understand the mind of those that destroy

Let us strive to bind together

Let us grow together

Rebuild what was broken

Forget not what was lost

May Gods grace abound

May His comfort heal

Let His wrath be kindled

His judgment made full

Whom lost their life

You shall not be forgotten

Those who lost someone special

We all are at loss

     - With my love and prayers

#theatershooting #theatreshooting #batman #auroracolorado

A new dad see’s his baby, a three week old, for the first time.
This has got to be one of the cutest things I’ve seen.
He’s looking at her like she’s made of gold.

A new dad see’s his baby, a three week old, for the first time.

This has got to be one of the cutest things I’ve seen.

He’s looking at her like she’s made of gold.

Push Ups - Increasing The Amount, and Your Endurance - Training For BMT


   This blog was sparked by a friend of mine that I’ve been talking to, whom needs to build her push up amount, and muscle endurance for BMT. [Basic Military Training] As most of you, whether you’re interested in the military or not, know that one of the most used exercises in BMT [or boot camp for you old timers] is push ups. With this blog I hope to help you: perform push ups correctly, increase the amount of push ups you can do in the smallest amount of time possible, and increase your muscle and physical endurance.

   When doing push ups, it’s important to do them right, especially when you’re going into the military where each push up has to be correct, or it doesn’t count. The ‘it doesn’t count’ part is important for your PT test. If you do a push up incorrectly during the push up portion of your PT test, it will not be counted, nor will it be added to your finishing push up amount.

Military Correct Push Up

   From the up, push up position; make sure your back is flat, and your legs are together, and you are on the tips of your toes. Your hands should be shoulder width apart. Shoulder width apart is a lot closer together than you think. Lower your self until your lower arm, and upper arm is at a ninety degree angle to them selves, then push yourself back up, this is one repetition.

Increasing The Amount Of Push Ups, and Increasing Your Endurance

   To increase the amount of push ups you can do; do push ups the military correct way until you absolutely can not push your self back up again. This is called ‘to exhaustion’, if anyone, like your MTI, says ‘to exhaustion’ that’s what it means. Do the correct push up to exhaustion then rest for about two minutes. Then do more push ups, but spread your hands a little bit farther apart. Do these style push ups to exhaustion. Wait a couple more minutes, then do more push ups, moving your hands even farther apart this time. Moving your hands farther apart works different portions of your upper body. Make sure when you’re doing your push ups you’re doing them moderately slow, not too fast. You want to do push ups a little bit slower than you think, because this builds muscle endurance. It is important for you to build more muscle mass, as well as muscle endurance. Although you might me able to do one-hundred push ups, when you’re at BMT and you’re having to do them over, and over, and over; without endurance you will not last.


   I hope this will help you get the results you want. Any questions or anything, message me. Thanks, and ciao for now…

My YouTube

As of right now, my YouTube as reached 6,000 views. Yay! It doesn’t seem like much, but it is a lot. I don’t have any friends who listen to my stuff, so all of my views are from people I don’t know. Thanks to all whom have viewed some, or all of my stuff.

National Park = Ticking Time Bomb

     One of America’s most beautiful parks, Yellowstone, has been marveled for many years by many people; Native Americans, and even Luis and Clark have passed through and marveled at Yellowstone’s beauty. In 1872 Yellowstone was made the country’s first National Park. Many features of Yellowstone that makes it so unique and adds to it’s beauty are the ten thousand geysers, hot springs, and mud holes on the property of Yellowstone. Scientists have found rocks dated as early as 283.2 billion years old. As beautiful as Yellowstone is, it holds a very explosive secret. In the late 1860’s a scientist by the name of Robert Christensen made the first suggestion that Yellowstone was volcanically active. Since this prediction scientists have been on a quest to find out as much as they can about Yellowstone’s past, so they can know what to expect in the future. Now, in the twentieth century, scientists have abilities to see things, and know things that a lot of people never would have even thought were possible.

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December 21, 2012


     Many of you have heard about the many different theories regarding December twenty-first, two-thousand and twelve. Here are the scientific facts surrounding the possibilities of that day.

                                        Friday December 21, 2012

Solar Rampage

     The cause of the expected Apocalypse, is because on December twenty-first two-thousand and twelve, the sun will be at it’s closest point to the sun. The sun goes through fifteen year cycles. These fifteen year cycles are build-ups, and releases of energy. The year two-thousand and twelve is the due date for the next major energy release. When the sun reaches its maximum energy contention, it releases this built energy through large solar flares, or a singular extreme solar flare with smaller flares following it. The sun gives off solar flares on a normal basis, but the ones that occur during the suns energy release are far more powerful than normal. What occurs during a solar flare is the release of burnt particles of radiation being shot into, and through space. This energy release is described by scientists as like the ‘popping of a Champagne cork’. There is an initial release of energy that is expected to project at about the speed of light. Then as this wave of energy shoots through the air it builds up particles in space creating a large powerful and destructive wave of energy. One of the immediate dangers of this wave of radiation entering the Earth’s atmosphere with such force, is our satellites. This wave of radiation would damage and short out our GPS and satellite systems. Along with our satellites, airplanes and anything airborne that is electronically sensitive would be damaged and possibly destroyed. This destruction could actually cause all airborne objects to be forced to the Earth’s surface which then creates an obvious danger to us. When the radiation reaches the Earth’s surface it will kill practically all smaller living organisms. The radiation will also hinder the process of Photosynthesis, which is the plants process of turning carbon dioxide into oxygen which would have an obvious impact on all living things that breathe air. The radiation would also affect the organisms in the ocean. This wave of radiation would kill the plankton, and microorganisms in the ocean. Although humans don’t sit down to a steaming bowl of plankton, this event would indirectly affect us by effecting living organisms in the ocean. Smaller fish, crustations and coral feed on plankton, and if there’s no food for them then there’s no food for the bigger fish, and the whole food chain will be vastly disrupted.

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Military Entry 2 - Anxiety Poem

I don’t know of anything I’ve wanted more than what I want now.

I am so excited I am so overwhelmed with want, dedication, and drive.

Not sure what I am going to do until MEPS.

I’ve waited so long to start something I can have control, and power over; start my life.

I may not be married, or have a buddy to go with me, but I have the best partner in life going to BMT with me; God!

I have always been thankful for those in the military. What greater way to show my thanks than to be along side of those fighting for, defending, and maintaining our country’s safety and freedom.

I’ve said the Airman’s creed many times over, but the day I say it as an enlisted airman, there will be as much emotion flowing over my vocal chords as there will be air.

Lord: I pray with the faith you’ve given me. I pray with the heart you’ve given me. Filled with the love you’ve filled me with. I ask that you would allow things to go smoothly through this process of enlistment. With a humble heart, and a passionate soul, I ask that you would grant the desire of my heart. May the recruiter see this heart of dedication, this man of talent, and my Christian soul. Grant me the wisdom, and words to listen when listening is wise, and speak when it’s the wisest to speak. Help me to become more disciplined, and the knowledge of giving respect in order to earn it. Grant me strength. Grant me the courage. Help me be the best, that I know I can be. Help me be perfect through you.

Thank You!